The Migraine Sabbatical
I got divorced, and spent about 4 years trying to figure out who I was again. Marriage comes with an identity, and losing that identity can definitely be challenging. While it was a painful experience for my family, it also provided a tremendous opportunity for growth and rebirth. I had to start asking myself what I want to do with my life, and who I wanted to BE and model for my children. This was no easy feat. It took a lot of time, and a lot of trial and error. What I discovered though was my passion for helping people, and have chosen to pursue that passion in a variety of ways.
After delaying the process for about 6 months after my divorce finalized, I finally took a leap and decided to pursue my personal training certification through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) and in 2015 I became a certified Personal Trainer. I worked with clients while also maintaining a career in the federal government and was working 55-60 hours per week while trying to take care of my 2 small children. I was also maintaining and building a long distance relationship with the man who I would ultimately marry.
I have always been a go-getter, and challenge is not something I consider a barrier. I worked hard to advance quickly and thought that continuously pushing myself to achiever more promotions, and different experiences in the federal sector would made me happy. I was miserable in my job, and at the same time felt massively stuck. I was working as a program manager running a variety of programs that related to employee morale, and wellness. It was rewarding in that I had the skill set and passion to help, but draining in the sense that I never felt like I actually made an impact. I was 35 and 12 years into my career when I realized that I hated working for the government, and needed something more. But what?
One evening my next door neighbor and dear friend came by for wine Wednesday and we began to chat about hopes, dreams and future aspirations. She had been helping her spouse with his construction business while taking a break from nursing. She was looking to pursue her own business in cosmetics sales, and while we were talking she mentioned with my personality and education, I would be a great nurse. I confessed to her that I had mulled over that career field multiple times over the course of a decade, but never felt like I could take the leap to go back to school. My husband (domestic partner at the time) was working nights, and after a couple glasses of wine I broke down to this friend that I felt a pull to quit my job and pursue this next chapter of my life. It would be a calculated risk, but it was something that I didn't want to put off any longer. When my husband arrived home that evening I hugged him, a bawling mess, and asked if I could quit my federal career to go back to school. He didn't even hesitate to say "Of course".
I was perplexed at first...never in a million years did I think he would go along with it, but he knew how miserable I was in my job, and how stressed I had let myself become. He had been working for about 3.5 years at that point to help me find peace, serenity, and slow down a bit...I have always been a workaholic, despite the negative effects it had on both my mental and physical health. So here I was, approved to pursue my dream, with zero plan and no idea how to even get to that end goal. I started reaching out to friends that I knew were in the field. From my experience in employee engagement and wellness I had managed a mentoring program, and knew how beneficial finding a mentor would be in achieving my goals. With their help and support I started the process of getting enrolled in my local community college to begin knocking out my pre-requisite classes. But I still needed help with figuring out how I was going to transition out of a career field and into student status while helping support our family.
A friend from college was running a life coaching business and I had been following her progress for a few years via Facebook. After a lot of hesitation I finally sent her an email asking to begin the process of coaching with her. Hands down it was the best investment I have ever made in myself. I had to penny pinch, work extra hours, and dip into savings to pay for it, but after 6 months I had completed 1/3 of my nursing prerequisites and built up the courage to quit my job. I made more progress in that 6 months than I had done with years of hard work. I got a bit of scrutiny on the decision to quit a comfortable fed job, but I could feel in my bones that it was my path. I started working at a different location for a gym I had previously worked at part time, and began personal training in a big box gym setting instead of online/in-home services. This provided me with a place to build my skill set, and get access to liability insurance, equipment, and a client base.
There were some definite positives to working in a gym setting, but I still felt that something was missing. School was becoming increasingly demanding, and in a big box gym the focus is sadly on sales. Don't get me wrong, I can sell myself....but I hated that I couldn't go at the pace that felt comfortable with, and my individual mission as a trainer was focused on helping my clients reach their goals not dip deeper into their pocketbooks. After a lot of soul searching and financial planning, my husband and I created an exit strategy to get me into school full time. I quit my second job within 6 months of starting (even though I had a solid client base) and felt energized that I could now focus my time and energy more on my family, and into my education. I was on the fast track to nursing school and nothing to could stop me... Until I hit the biggest roadblock of them all.
For the past 15 years I have dealt with what I now know were chronic migraines. After many years of consults and a variety of providers I was also finally diagnosed with C-PTSD (stemming from a series of unfortunate events that occurred before I turned 19). I did intense therapy and worked to manage my stress levels, but despite all the work I did, migraines would still knock me out cold. I had been to several family practitioners, and at least 3 neurologists but still didn't get the relief I desperately needed. I didn't meet the qualification standards for treatment of chronic migraines so was stuck with medication that didn't remotely touch my attacks. After coaxing from family members I decided to consult another Neurologist to see if I could qualify for treatments catered to chronic migraines. It took a single consult to get a clear diagnosis and I was approved on the spot for Botox injections. I now receive injections every 3 months, and was promised improvement after the second round. After my first round of injections in November I started seeing small improvements, but nothing that really lessened the severity, only the frequency, and barely at that. During this time I was accepted into the local community college Nursing program, and was on my way to my dream career.
I was still dealing with migraines and had a string of 3 back to back episodes that knocked me down for 2 weeks. The 2 weeks that I was required to meet compliance deadlines for my upcoming clinical rotations. I missed a critical deadline...and ultimately lost my slot in the nursing cohort I had been accepted to. To say I was crushed was an understatement. I cried for a week. I felt completely lost, and like the worlds biggest failure. Then my husband reminded me that we can either take our failures and give up, or accept them as learning opportunities, make some changes and press forward. I had long desired to be self-employed, but never really had the space or time in my life to start a small business. The start-up process seemed daunting, and like a massive uphill challenge. Then I started to think about something my coach had shared with me during a session. "The universe rarely ever gives us what we WANT, but it has an uncanny way of always giving us what we NEED". It didn't strike me until after I encountered this unexpected roadblock to my life goal. I could take this as an opportunity to start fresh, apply for better nursing programs, and pursue a second bachelor's degree, instead of settling for an associates. Better yet, I would have the time to dedicate to my family while my kids still think I am cool, and could finally launch the business I have always wanted to run: training and coaching people to their own goals. This wasn't a failure, it was simply an unexpected Sabbatical.
I had watched several of my German family members, and a few high school friends take on a "gap year" where they traveled and learned different skills. My high-school encouraged this with a month long "Senior Experience" project that allowed graduating seniors an opportunity to seek out education in a future career field, or to take a travel experience. I also had the experience of attending several higher education institutions and religious organizations that support faculty sabbaticals. While I may be 36...why the heck couldn't I take a gap year or sabbatical myself?
So I sat down to establish some goals to keep me focused, and began the process of launching my own small business. I had used this blog previously to document my triathlon training and racing experiences. It was a great way for me to highlight what I was up to, and give resources and support for those who might consider being as crazy as I am. What I found is that I have a passion for staying active, but I don't like to be confined (I tend to get bored easily and love trying new things). Fitness is a huge part of my life, but so are traveling, and spending time adventuring outdoors.
Enter Flying Pig Lifestyle & Wellness LLC- a venture that helps individuals and families experience FUNctional fitness, in a way that matches their lifestyle. I can use my 5 years of experience in personal training, mentoring, coaching, and facilitation to help others reach their goals- fitness or otherwise. It's a passion project I am incredibly excited to finally get off the ground. This blog will be a way of documenting some of the ways that I have found to manage stress, help others achieve personal fitness or career goals, and adapt them to a variety of lifestyles.
The plan is to provide resources not only on fitness techniques, but also personal wellness, and how I manage my chronic conditions. I am not alone in the fight against migraines and C-PTSD, and want to share as much as I can to help people know they are not alone, and they CAN manage and thrive even with a chronic condition. So...read along. Ask questions, and come join me in getting the most out of your life!
I also have a facebook page www.facebook.com/flyingpigfitness and an instagram @flyingpiggetsfit for those that want to follow along, or ask questions. I want to help...all you have to do is ask!!
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