The Nature Induced Inception: Part Two- The Great Outside Backstory

 

Little Bear Canyon- Gila Wilderness, NM

 

This is a story all about how

My life got flipped turned upside-down

Now I’d like to take a minute just sit right there

I’ll tell you how I rebuilt my life with a thing called FRESH AIR!

 

 

Once upon a time, I pushed myself to the brink of my insanity by dedicating 25 hours a week to training for triathlons.  I was also working 50-55 hrs per week, raising a couple of kids, and taking classes to become a certified personal trainer in my spare time.  Spare time?  Yeah it didn’t actually exist.  I had extreme insomnia, so I needed things to fill the space of the time that I simply just couldn’t sleep.  This was in no way healthy, but to an extent it made me happy for a while.  I loved pushing myself, the challenge that triathlon racing brought, and the dedication it required to train for an all-day endurance event. What I loved most about it though, was getting to travel to new places, and spend an entire day outside with a supportive community of like-crazy people. I eventually stopped training and racing when I realized a) I didn’t actually have that many hours in my day and b) I kept getting injured rather severely by overtraining and pushing too hard. I had to rebuild my relationship with challenging my body in a healthy way.

 

My husband and I both love to hike, and we have rediscovered that joy together over the years.  In 2019 I convinced him to take me backpacking for my birthday weekend.  A 38-mile hike through loop in the Gila Wilderness, which had since the time I was about 14 been one of the most beautiful places I had ever been too.  I needed a retreat to recharge in nature with nothing but my favorite person, and the bare essentials on our backs. He lovingly obliged, bought me a new pack for my birthday, and trekked it into the unknown with me. It was a BRUTAL trek. 2.5 days covering 38 miles is a bit overzealous, and I realized day 2 of the trip that I may have been letting my old triathlon brain get the better of me by biting off more distance than I could chew.  We made it, with loads of blisters, slight dehydration, and a crazy appetite.  For food, and for more time off-grid.  Our souls had never felt so rejuvenated.

 

Being in nature isn’t anything new, but it is something that I have come to realize later in life, has shaped me more than anything else in my life. I grew up with active parents, and was fortunate to have the opportunity to experience a variety of activities from sports, to skiing to camping adventures. My mom worked for a federal land management agency, and I learned the value of stewardship starting at a young age. All of that combined with an inability to sit still, and I have pretty much always been farting around somewhere in nature. I was also fortunate to attend a private school that really understood the value of the outdoors, and made outdoor recreation an active part of the curriculum both in and out of the classroom.  Outdoor leadership helped shape what would ultimately become a way for me to overcome great adversities in life.

 

Each year we would take a fall and spring camping trip with the entire class.  The trips were dependent on the grade level, so you were able to experience a different type of camping each year. There was summer camp style, basic tent camping, backpacking, lava tube exploring, and kayaking. I loved every minute of those trips and cherish the memories made. This was what ultimately led me into the serenity and enchantment of the Gila Wilderness.

 

I have pretty much been active my entire life with the exception of when I have been hit with a new challenge that falls more on the trauma spectrum. As someone with C-PTSD, I live in a near constant state of anxiety. Basically, my body is on constant high alert and I am prone to overwhelm. This means I can burnout easily.  It has impacted my health and fitness levels in ways I wish it didn’t. One thing that has ALWAYS brought me back to center was being outside. Playing in the foothills, riding bikes, skiing, sports activities (I ran track, cross- country, played soccer, and was on the swim team).  Even my family members and friends would pick me up every now and again for a day on the slopes, or a weekend on the lake. Despite the challenges I was given, I had a pretty happy childhood and was well cared for.

 

My anxiety took a gnarly nosedive after the birth of my daughter. It had gotten so bad that I had dropped nearly 20 lbs. overnight, and was on a severely limited diet due to stomach upset.  I went through months of testing with gastro to try to determine what was wrong with my digestive system.  When I was finally given the diagnosis that the only thing wrong with me was excessive stress that was causing physical symptoms, my doctor recommended using exercise as a way to manage the stress and gain some relief. I began getting myself fit again, and set the goal of racing in a sprint distance triathlon within a year.

 

I knew I wanted to race again, and had been toying with the idea of a triathlon since before I got pregnant with my children. It seemed new and challenging, and would force me to adhere to an exercise program on a consistent long-term basis. Little did I know it would become my rock, and transform me as a person. What I found in triathlon was an amazing stress outlet, a challenge for myself, and motivation to improve. The downside was the massive time commitment because I prefer, and enjoy all day events. Yes, you read that correctly.  I love spending a whole day moving.  It’s calming, and meditative because it forces me out of my head and back into my body.  The only things I have to worry about are eating, drinking, moving, and recovering.

 

Triathlon also helped me in my recovery with bulimia.  I had to completely overhaul and change my relationship with myself and food. With endurance sports you have to properly fuel or you legitimately cannot push through.  Your body NEEDS fuel in order to perform for long periods of time. I’ve always been naturally fascinated with nutrition (I already had over 25 credit hours of advanced level nutrition classes), and triathlons were a great excuse to pour myself into creating my training and eating plans.

 

The times I have strayed from living fit have all been due to trauma or my overactive stress response, yet I always find my way back…sometimes in an odd round-about way.  This round is credited to my better half for reminding me how healing nature is, and for nurturing my need to retreat frequently to keep my mental, emotional, and physical health in tune. We have worked on slowly stripping away the old layers, and getting back to my inner true nature. So for the past 3 years we have been living in a crazy limbo space that has involved, a cross-country move, quitting jobs that made us miserable, enduring a nightmare custody battle, and managing my education. Did I mention there was a pandemic in there too?  Yeah. While it has been an intense struggle at times, it has also been an incredible period of growth that has led to me feeling the happiest, most at peace, and most able to establish healthy boundaries in order to focus on what is important to me and to lead the life that I WANT.

 

It all boils down to creating space for what really matters, and weeding out the rest naturally. It’s not a quick fix way of life, but it is far more manageable and enjoyable. We are Outsiders.  Just a couple of life-long honeymooners freestyle living on a quest for peace and happiness.  Retreating is the name of our game, and the plan is to share a few pages at a time of our playbook.  From pre-season preparation, to post-season celebration. Strategies that help others understand the powerful positive effects of being active outside. We make playing outside a habit, and use certain tools and practices in our daily life to maximize our time for outdoor self-care.

 

We have developed ways to use our career and life skillsets to build a life where we find and follow ways of becoming and staying passionate about moving. This blog is ultimately about our daily lifestyle and outdoor focused active living.  We sorta plan enough to be able to fly by the seat of our pants when opportunity presents itself. When we get a calling to retreat, we are ready to answer and make a visit. We know it’s ok to not always know.  The answer, the reason, the path to take. Living through experiences is how we learn and grow, we just need to take the time to process the lessons, adapt our process, and keep on trekking. Come along with us on a life adventure. 